Never being “It” again
What the hell is wrong with this country? I mean seriously. I just saw over at CNN that schools are banning Tag, touch football, and other chasing games from recess, because students could get hurt. My God people, of course they can get hurt. It’s called LIFE. What the hell do you want to do, raise your children like veal? Children get banged up. It’s part of life, and usually helps train them away from getting banged up worse later on. The elimination of recess and chasing games, it’s no wonder children are getting so fat. Maybe they have a really good reason for it, but fear of scrapes, bruises, and broken bones should not be some of them.
posted by Lucky Bob at
11:31 AM
4 Comments:
Tag is a horribly violent and competitive sport. It should be replaced by more child-friendly activities, like Silence.
(Yes, I'm being sarcastic.)
By
Anonymous, at 10/18/2006 2:30 PM
I bet they don't let kids play tetherball anymore either.
I'm surprised these schools permit sports like football and baseball and kickball and soccer; I mean, those are just asking for injury.
Actually, I think it would be best if schools simply strapped children into immobilizing machinery the minute they step off the school bus Or, hell, why not ON the school bus? If the machinery holds the kids in a standing position, you can eliminate the need for seats, and strap the kids in with a cargo strap to prevent jostling or any sort of movement. You could reduce the size of school bus fleet and lay off drivers, saving taxpayer money. This would be very safe; if the bus had an accident the kids would be completely immobile and unharmed.
And at school, think of the savings and safety benefits. Children strapped into immobilizing machinery--and let's be fair, the machinery should more or less completely cover the body to avoid sun exposure and prevent children feeling jealous of others' clothes and shoes--would not need desks. They could have one arm free to take notes I suppose, but better still would be to fit each Immobilizer with a microphone and digital recorder so the children wouldn't have to take notes, but instead the teachers' lectures would be recorded instantly for replay at home, which is a much safer environment anyway.
Then, too, we could use this to fight the child obesity epidemic, since if the Immobilizer only comes in one size per grade level, then children will simply have to fit inside it or else. Imagine it, all the schoolchildren, locked happily in their Immobilizers listening to their teachers; and why bother with teachers? Just turn on a documentary from the BBC. At the end of each quarter, we'll bring in a live instructor to administer a standardized oral exam to each student.
I mean, really. Apart from the cost of The Immobilizer (TM), there'd be hardly any further outlay for schools anyway. Children could be fed a nourishing meal replacement shake through straws inserted into each Immobilizer (TM), which would reduce the cost of school lunches and ensure proper nutrition--and while we're at it, we might as well add some subsidized Canadian Ritalin and Prozac to the shakes, which would keep the kids docile and prevent them from talking while the documentary is playing.
We could return to the days of the one-room schoolhouse. Hundreds, no, thousands of children in the same grade could be gathered in one auditorium at a standard-sized high school, listening merrily to the same documentaries and taking the same standardized oral exams each year. And all this could be had for the low low cost of just one Immobilizer (TM) per student, a bargain at $1295 each. Place your orders now from Smith Immobilizing Technologies, LLC, and usher in a new Utopia in your local school system!
By
Unknown, at 10/18/2006 3:58 PM
What's horrible are the parents that sue the school because their kid got hurt doing something utterly stupid at recess.
The child abuse training module I took yesterday estimated the average 3 year old has approximately 12 bruises at any one time. But let a 3 year old fall down and go boom in therapy and you have a trip to the ER and a incident report to fill out....
By
Rambling Speech, at 10/18/2006 7:24 PM
And then there's me. When my kid falls, and I call from where ever I am "Uh, you okay?" Unless there is blood spurting about and frantic wailing, she just dusts herself off and keeps going. Though head-on collisions in tag do seem to result in such wailing, but she's usually fine after a minute -- and back to playing tag.
By
Anonymous, at 10/20/2006 2:36 PM
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